A month later and I failed to write for you guys..I deeply apologize for making you wait this long for another chapter. It marks June 3rd, 2017 at about 11:42pm. I’m wide awake with a the fullest intention to make sure my life is on course for succession and it starts with consistency. Somewhere in my busy and hectic schedule my consistency has been hurting me most. Anyways I will definitely work on that. I had a great day, worked about 10 hours, did my laundry, cooked a great dinner which included herb and garlic meatballs with my own tomato and basil sauce. It was delightful and satisfying. I’m currently still in Charleston, SC for my project just finished up what I could and hitting the road back to my home in Lincoln NE. My son is awaiting me there. This is what I want to talk about, my son.
My son is now 4 years old, he is certainly at the age where he think he knows what he wants, always trying to be brainiac and coming up with hilarious comments that drown out any sadness I have In my day to day life. Every time I talk to him it enables me to laugh and ponder how much of a genius my son really is. He asked me the other day a simple but ingenious question “dad how come you won’t work here so you can see me everyday?” I truly didn’t have answer on why I didn’t. But a million things popped in my mind and it caused me a little confusion. Like I didn’t even have an answer I simply told him I’m trying my best at the work I have now because it will show you how dedicated I am to making sure your life is provided for and so you know how hard Ive worked for everything. He just stared at me and smiled. In all actuality I pondered at the question all night long unable to sleep and I figured out what my problem was. I was afraid to lose what I had now. My son was right, change needs to come so I can give him all my time not just a couple hours here and there. This Is the most crucial stage of his life right now and I need to make sure I show up. So I have a plan son and I’m just waiting to put it in action. I’m coming home soon I promise.
Opening my eyes for the first time was unbelievable, I had no idea where I was at. I just saw shadows nothing in color or black and gray. Just shadows of the equipment around me. I had tubes and wires coming out my body. I panicked but unable to move. I tried to scream but nothing moved. I tried everything I could to make a peep and nothing. Absolutely nothing, I laid there helplessly with my eyes just gazing at the room I was in. I later dozed off, and was asleep for 15 hours or more. Everything felt so surreal, like I was trapped inside a body with only my brain to use. I just endlessly thought about whats the next move. For the next week it was repeat, I saw friends, family, doctors, nurses, teachers. Everyone who knew I existed visited me that week. I cried to myself inside, like I was suffering. I lost conscious again, this time I know I was dead. The next morning the nurse came in with a clip board and started talking to me, I just stared at her with no hope. She saw the sadness in my eyes, the urge to move but everything was frozen. She would talk but soon after everything in the room started spinning and becoming blurry. I blacked up and succumbed to my fate. That I was gone forever. Losing faith in myself to try anymore, it was in that moment of knowing everything is lost and you just don’t have that fight in you anymore, miracles do happen. I woke up the next morning and sat up and was rubbing my eyes from the bright sun shining in the room. I saw my dad sleeping on the chair next to me along with my sister as well. The nurse walked in and couldn’t believe her eyes and yelled out to the hall way and said “he’s awake”!!