I’m not here to preach trust me, something valuable that I think should be in embedded in you. More than ever I’ve came across moments where I lost hope in life, or lost faith in everything else. I get it, everybody sooner or later hits a rock bottom of their life and they can’t climb out. At 16 I made a decision to leave my family and pursue an adolescent premature, preemptive, juvenile life. The worst possible mistake I made in my life. My future was set for me but I blew it away because I thought partying and having fun was it. It was the highlight of the teen years. Oh yeah, until everything eventually dies out. i was so motioned on the idea of booze, drugs, women, status, rep and gangs. This combination is what led me to write this to you. I lost hope in myself, and it led me down the darkest alley imaginable.
Love is something so sacred, that you can’t even fathom. Its something most people will experience but it can also cost you everything. Loving someone is not something you take lightly. it is a commitment to staying true to your word. Ive been in love and fell out of love and then became so infatuated with this woman that it caused me years of constant worry, stress, and doubts. There was a woman that caught my heart, she literally had it in her hands and everything fell out of touch. I tried for the longest time to win her back and nothing was working. Thats when I thought love was dead, that there is nothing more I could do to make it work. It was the hardest decision of my life to let go of the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After I let go things started to smooth out of me. I started being me again and it felt good. I felt the wrath of someone not wanting you, but you wanted them so bad. I fell out of the love triangle and finally finding common ground. Letting go is a part of life. I learned it the hard way but it molded me into a man for my next love. I still believe in mythical romance. The flowers delivered to the door for any occasion, sitting under the stars staring at each other, or holding the door for a woman. Not all hope is lost. Thank you for reading.
July 25th 2017 it’s about 11pm Pacific time and I’m sitting here in the dark writing, when I should be asleep. Life has its way of opening doors and closing another. As I lay here restless writing to you, I felt something today I haven’t felt in a long time. Its been a good 2 weeks since I’ve been away from my son and its putting pressure on me because everyday he is growing and learning something new without me. Don’t worry I’m still calling him everyday to make sure everything is ok. I’ve been tired, really tired and it’s because sometimes I feel like my work has to be above average. We finished our building here in phoenix, and catching a flight tomorrow back to SC. on July 29th I’m flying out to Houston Texas to finally reunite with my family, and there finally gonna be able to spend some quality time with my son. Its been a long time awaiting and its putting a lot of pressure on me. Most of the time I’ve been putting my feelings aside to accomplish a project, its been swaying me away from something that’s important. You’ve been on my mind since I left and for some reason I can’t shake it off. I don’t know if your presence made an impact on me but it feels good. I haven’t felt this connection since…….Its striving me to do better in life and to keep pushing to the top, maybe you’re the missing key to my locked door. Time can only tell.
I’ve been in recovery and therapy for almost 2 weeks and my progress has been magnificent. The doctors were truly astonished on how fast I recovered. My head was still bandaged because I have a weak spot on the back of my head. My mom and dad were helping me everyday to regain my strength. I would’ve never imagined having to go through life as a baby again. I’ve made a home at the hospital and that’s the life I knew for weeks, so leaving was something I was truly scared of. On my ride home with the family I’m gazing out the window looking at the outside world, it caused me to have headaches and I would close my eyes and eventually fell asleep. It had only felt like minutes before we arrived home, even though it took an hour to get home. The blood was pumping through my head and felt like it was about to explode. My father gave me some medicine to reduce the headaches but it only made me sleepy. Adjusting was gonna be the hardest part of my recovery. I laid at home for weeks on end, a never-ending cycle of being treated like a baby. I was grateful but I was only 7 at the time so all I wanted to do was go outside and have some fun. As the days were passing I remember one particular memory that stood out. About the 3rd day I was home, my entire 3rd grade class came to visit me at my home. They lined the streets up with posters and candles and telling me to get well soon. The site was something unimaginable but I felt the love and care in their hearts. I remember my friends crying because they saw my head bandaged as I stood on my front porch. It was a beautiful sight, but I knew I was in for a long month of recovery. I was begging to back to school on the 5th day. My parents grew more worrisome because of the actions I was displaying at home. I became super active and an energy ball. My parents told me to take easy but I never listened. My recovery lasted 4 weeks. This life after the accident was a change of course in my history it defined who I am today and what I stand for now. Thankyou
July 2nd 2017
After driving 19 hours from Phoenix AZ. I arrive in my hometown Lincoln. NE. The smell, the atmosphere, the country. It felt really good to be back. The moment we arrived I smelled the fireworks from miles away. The moment I got into town I unloaded my stuff and went straight to my sons and it was the most amazing feeling in the world. He was finally back in my arms after being almost a month away. I had a whole week with him. This was honestly one of the most memorable vacation weeks I’ve had in a very long time. Nothing went wrong. I remember the first morning I was gonna have him all to myself, the night before me and my nephew went shopping for all sorts of food to make sure I had enough to cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I had to actually call his mother and ask about everything he liked. It was definitely an eye opener but it was a good feeling. He came over and I was up and cooking eggs, pancakes, made 2 bowl of cereals for us and 2 glasses juicy-juice. Nothing went to planned but it was hilarious how nervous I was since it was the first time he would get to spend mornings for a while. We both laughed about it over the bowl of cereal. He truly changed my vision over the years he’s grown. I plan on making sure he has more time with me because the week went by to quickly. I’m coming home soon son…
Waking up , the hardest thing to do was realizing where I’m at or how I got there? I saw my dad sleeping next to my bed and my sister across it. i remembered asking the nurse for milk after she arrived. The doctors rushed in and couple of other nurses with clipboards. My dad immediately woke up, and jumped to my aid. He was so shocked and happy at the same time he couldn’t believe it. I was still very weak and brittle at the time but I was able to move most of my body. Everything was too much at the time, so I blacked out again. Dreaming of the life I once had before the crash, something beautiful and peaceful but I knew i was gonna wake up soon to the reality. Over the course of a week, I was dozing in and out of my sleep. My dad was attending to me the entire time and wouldn’t leave my sight. When I finally was able to come out of the blackouts, I started to talk more and move around in my bed. My therapist basically helped me get my functions back to normal condition. It was like starting life all over again, no seriously it was. My dad had to help me walk all over the hospital. A couple of days pass and I’m learning everything quickly. The doctors ran numerous test me to see how recovered and how I even was able to walk. I never got an explanation they were baffled. My head remained bandaged because there was a soft spot where my brain was vulnerable. I was joined by friends and family over the course of the week bringing gifts and toys. Even the Nebraska soccer team stopped in and talked to me for a bit. It truly was a blessing to be awake again. The doctors confirmed that nothing was broken, damaged and that I was going to make a full recovery. I knew they were still shocked, but hey I guess everything happens for a reason. Thankyou for tuning into this chapter I really hoped you guys enjoyed the segment.
A month later and I failed to write for you guys..I deeply apologize for making you wait this long for another chapter. It marks June 3rd, 2017 at about 11:42pm. I’m wide awake with a the fullest intention to make sure my life is on course for succession and it starts with consistency. Somewhere in my busy and hectic schedule my consistency has been hurting me most. Anyways I will definitely work on that. I had a great day, worked about 10 hours, did my laundry, cooked a great dinner which included herb and garlic meatballs with my own tomato and basil sauce. It was delightful and satisfying. I’m currently still in Charleston, SC for my project just finished up what I could and hitting the road back to my home in Lincoln NE. My son is awaiting me there. This is what I want to talk about, my son.
My son is now 4 years old, he is certainly at the age where he think he knows what he wants, always trying to be brainiac and coming up with hilarious comments that drown out any sadness I have In my day to day life. Every time I talk to him it enables me to laugh and ponder how much of a genius my son really is. He asked me the other day a simple but ingenious question “dad how come you won’t work here so you can see me everyday?” I truly didn’t have answer on why I didn’t. But a million things popped in my mind and it caused me a little confusion. Like I didn’t even have an answer I simply told him I’m trying my best at the work I have now because it will show you how dedicated I am to making sure your life is provided for and so you know how hard Ive worked for everything. He just stared at me and smiled. In all actuality I pondered at the question all night long unable to sleep and I figured out what my problem was. I was afraid to lose what I had now. My son was right, change needs to come so I can give him all my time not just a couple hours here and there. This Is the most crucial stage of his life right now and I need to make sure I show up. So I have a plan son and I’m just waiting to put it in action. I’m coming home soon I promise.
Opening my eyes for the first time was unbelievable, I had no idea where I was at. I just saw shadows nothing in color or black and gray. Just shadows of the equipment around me. I had tubes and wires coming out my body. I panicked but unable to move. I tried to scream but nothing moved. I tried everything I could to make a peep and nothing. Absolutely nothing, I laid there helplessly with my eyes just gazing at the room I was in. I later dozed off, and was asleep for 15 hours or more. Everything felt so surreal, like I was trapped inside a body with only my brain to use. I just endlessly thought about whats the next move. For the next week it was repeat, I saw friends, family, doctors, nurses, teachers. Everyone who knew I existed visited me that week. I cried to myself inside, like I was suffering. I lost conscious again, this time I know I was dead. The next morning the nurse came in with a clip board and started talking to me, I just stared at her with no hope. She saw the sadness in my eyes, the urge to move but everything was frozen. She would talk but soon after everything in the room started spinning and becoming blurry. I blacked up and succumbed to my fate. That I was gone forever. Losing faith in myself to try anymore, it was in that moment of knowing everything is lost and you just don’t have that fight in you anymore, miracles do happen. I woke up the next morning and sat up and was rubbing my eyes from the bright sun shining in the room. I saw my dad sleeping on the chair next to me along with my sister as well. The nurse walked in and couldn’t believe her eyes and yelled out to the hall way and said “he’s awake”!!
I apologize for the long wait “initiative”
I’ve been completely swamped with work and my son, I almost forgot my passion to write. I’m back though and I’m going to be trying harder and harder to release as much content as I can. So I am terribly sorry you have been waiting. It was my son’s birthday about 2 weeks ago and it was one of the most memorable birthdays we’ve given him. I was a proud dad financially, emotionally and physically. Everything was good, it was great actually. We rented out a bowling alley for his party and it was a success. Lots of family and friends showed up and brought smiles with. I learned something very valuable that day, it was the fact at that moment I felt like a proud father to him. Being able to provide him everything he needed that day. It was an honor. Im currently in South Carolina on my next project and staying happy. I’ve taken steps in the right direction to launch my start-up. I’m a few months away.
You ever wondered what cities would be on your next list to visit and actually be enjoyable. Heres a list of 10 cities I’ve visited and would do it again in a heartbeat. I appreciate the support you guys been giving me I hope you enjoy this. In this segment, ill be sharing the number 10 spot that have caught my attention and i certainly will be revisiting.
10 – Houston, Texas
The city gives off an upbeat, stylish vibe from high-end stores to finding the best breakfast ive ever tasted then ending it with a sandy beach. When my family ended up moving down to the Houston area i was extremely excited for the new scenery changes and of course the beach. My first impression was not good, it was mid July whenever i got off the plane at the international airport, the air struck me like a freight train and it was hard for me to breathe, the moisture and humidity in the air made my clothes stick to my skin. I honestly didn’t like it at all. But as time passed i found a love for the area because of the people and the variety of food it offered. I experienced as much as i could from the night life in downtown, to the sandy beaches. I was here for 2 weeks and while i was here this was the best eating spot i found and let me tell you it was something truly out of this world was called The breakfast Klub – a soul food location for someone who wants a break from the ordinary breakfast you usually would have. I ordered chicken and waffles with a side of sunny side up eggs and it was absolutely stunning the yolk drizzled off the egg so perfect, it was like your staring into a food network commercial. The egg was cooked to perfection. The chicken was crispy and crunchy, the meat had a savory taste of a little spice and a little kick (i ordered it that way). Then comes the magnificent golden brown Belgium waffle that i considered the best i have ever had. It is decently priced and you get more than you paid for. I hope you guys give this place a try when your there i promise you wont be disappointed. After breakfast had ended i made my way down to the sandy beach of Galveston TX located about 40 miles from Houston. The feeling of first arriving there was stunning, the atmosphere was crisp and fresh. The palm trees made it seem like you were off the coast of the Bahamas. The sun shined down making your skin glow so make sure you bring sunscreen with you.
I hoped you enjoy this segment, next week ill release my number 9 spot!!
Photo by Lee Deforke Jr.
Today was kinda rough, I woke up with a feeling of sadness and It didn’t go away. I managed to brighten myself up because my son’s birthday is 2 weeks away. So all I could think about was him. I ended up cutting my finger today and got a pretty deep gash but I was able to work through it. My boss called me and told me I’m flying home today. It brought a big smile to me because I was able to go see my baby boy. I landed here at about 9:30pm cst and it was too late to see him but tomorrow ill be able to enjoy his company after his tumbling class.
I never woke up that night, as I was dying at the Omaha childrens hospital. My parents immediately rushed to the hospital to be by my side. When they arrived at the hospital, I was already in the operating room. The doctors and nurses were rushing to stop the bleeding from my head. It was only getting worse, the laceration that occurred on my skull was about the size of half-dollar and it was enough to make me go brain-dead. There was literally a hole in my head and somehow I was still breathing. The hardest part was for my parents I couldn’t even imagine what they went through, probably agony, suffering, and turmoil. Their youngest son was laying there in coma and unresponsive. As they bandaged my head and bandaged any laceration that occurred on my body. They came to my parents with the worst news any parent doesn’t want to hear.
I was only 19 when it happened, the person in my life that gave me life, that bathed me when I was just a small infant, the person that made sure we were fed everyday, the one that made sure we were loved every night, you gave me a desire to love, you gave me fire in my soul, you gave me a reason to smile every day, every moment was precious for you, birthdays were out of this world, you would hold me at night when I was scared, you changed my diaper and gave me a smile every time, you held me close to you to feed me milk, you would sneak me in bed right in the middle of you and dad, you gave me hope, you gave me the ability to care for the world and everyone in it, ill never forget what you did for me, then you got sick when I was just going to school, I always thought when you gave birth to me that I caused your complication, that I was the reason for you getting so ill. Read more
Death has an unusual way of presenting itself. Hopelessness slips in, fear starts to drain the mind, and anxiety sinks in so deep that your constantly feeling despair. My lifeless body was getting lifted onto a stretcher, in front of me (I’m unconscious by the way, this is reports from my friends and family that saw the tragic scene) sits a helicopter whooshing and whooshing. Making an ungodly noise as if a apache helicopter just landed on 27th street intersection. Mo my good friend, I couldn’t have imagined how you felt at that moment. Not knowing whether I’m dead or alive. He rode straight home to be with his family and was terrified at what just happened, I don’t blame him. As the chaotic scene is happening. My brother lee was out at the same time looking for me desperately trying to find me. But for some reason he had an uneasy feeling, the scene was only blocks from the house. And you could hear everything from probably a mile away. He kept reassuring himself that couldn’t have been me. I never returned home that night.